Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Of course I have a pirate flag
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
