I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
