I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
