You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
