If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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