And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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