The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found a bag of teeth...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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