u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Too much gin, very little bucket
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
