Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
