As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
