Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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