How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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