You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
