Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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