Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
