I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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