after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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