So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she peed on how many people?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
