We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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