I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
They have beer where we have blood.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
