Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
