I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
