i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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