The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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