i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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