Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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