You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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