Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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