I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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