I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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