Me. At least after what I've been through.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
