And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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