There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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