Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
