my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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