I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
