I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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