the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
