I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
