i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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