I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
