How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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