In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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