I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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