Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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