my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
