Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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