he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
