In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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