i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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