He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
