so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
