Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
