I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
