Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
