it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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