after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
