I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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