Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
