i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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