he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
