I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
